Fireworks at Firenza

This piece was inspired by a very clever bit of writing in which the first letter of every word in each paragraph was the same. I’m afraid I couldn’t manage without a few errant prepositions. It was, however, fun to try.

Frantic Freddie fired the fire-red Ferrari for a fizzingly fast first-lap at Firenza. Freddie Forbes a frenetic fool of a fellow forced to face forty fit, fast fellows in final, futile, face-saving farce. For Frantic Freddie faced face-loss and forfeited Ferrari for failure to finish first.

Bugger borrowed big bucks to bet Bertie Brown, based on Bertie’s being behind. Bet before beholding Bertie’s brand-new borrowed beast of a Berlinetta. Behold Bertie’s borrowed Berlinetta; a beauteous bigger-engined baby betokening breakneck briskness. Beetle-browed Bertie blithely boasted Berlinetta beat the best at Brooklands.

Sweet Selina sympathetically saw swain’s sad scowl. She sought some subterfuge of support for sorrowful sweetheart. Selina sloped from swain’s side and slipping with stealth and silence, slitheringly slowly she submerged. Scanning the steel skeleton she sought some sprocket to sabotage. Suddenly she smiled, stillettoed a sidewall, sliding swiftly, seen-not, to safety.

Ten, twenty, thirty times the throaty, throbbing tin toreadors traversed the twisting turning track ‘till the tortured tyre tore. Terrifying, tenacious torque took traveller off track in twisting turns to terminality.

Following, Frantic Freddie fires forward the fabulous Ferrari, finishing first. Feeling flush and flourishing fortune, Freddie finally forgoes the fanfare. Finds and feels the fine feline frame of his fascinating flame.

Selina speaks – subtly suggests swain settle with Selina.

Frantic Freddie frowns furiously, fancies fair female but fancying Ferrari further than fatherhood forswears felicity of future.

Spurned sweet Selina sighs sadly, spins and sashays sexily slowly to seek steadier swain.

Bruised and bandaged Bertie Brown beholding beautiful broad bearing-down banishes bitterness at broken Berlinetta, bows to beauty; braves brush-off, blurts-out bravura bespoken bouquet to bewildered belle. “Beauteous beloved; beaten, bruised and battered Bertie beseechingly begs betrothal. Bertie’ll bestow boodles of brass on blushing bride; build a baronial bastion for bedded bliss.

Selina smiling a secret smile of soft submission settles for steadier, so-substantial suitor says “sure sweetie.” and swings to side-lined sometime swain.

Fuck-off Freddie!”

Robert Winston McNaughton


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